One year ago today we met our son. It is so hard to believe how much he has grown and changed over this past year.
There were so many emotions felt and hardly any were contained. This has remained true not only on that first day of meeting him, but throughout our year of parenting.
I don't remember a lot of the specifics of that day and what we did that morning before walking through those doors to hear the squeals, giggles, and cries of children, but I do remember that van ride feeling like an eternity. I knew that soon my life would be changed by this little man and I couldn't wait to finally hold him. The van was full of fellow adoptive parents and our emotions ranged from tears, giddiness and waves of nauseousness. We all longed to hold our babies.
Micah and I loved those first moments with our son and seeing one another as parents. These are moments that will forever be cherished. There were many tears shed that day - tears of joy, tears of reality, tears of sadness - and those tears became the prayers of our hearts as words were difficult to find.
Today is the day that we will meet you for the first time! Soon we will be able to hold you, love on you and try to convey to you how much our hearts have swelled for you over the last three months.
I awoke this morning around 3:30 to the beginning sounds of traffic, the call to worship, dogs barking and roosters crowing. I tried to go back to sleep, but of course had a hard time because there was so much anticipation surrounding our day. Your Abat awoke around 6:30 and we prepared for breakfast. We were looking out the windows taking in the streets below when we noticed the care center next door had children on the balcony. Our hearts leaped at the hope of sneaking a glimpse of you, but they were just sunning the babies. Once downstairs we meet several other couples that are all preparing to meet their little one today too.
Before meeting you we traveled to the main office to meet with Dr. Fikru, the social workers, and various other staff members that work for Holt. We are so impressed with this organization and all they are doing to help the children and families of Ethiopia. It brings comfort knowing you are well cared for.
After receiving a tour of the head office, we loaded up in the van to return to the care center to finally meet our children. To finally meet you. My heart more than ever was anxious - but ready. It was hard to contain my emotions. This was the moment I had been dreaming about for many, many months.
They lead us into the care center to give us a tour and my heart was pounding as we took each step - questioning if you would be around the next corner or on the other side of the next door. Would I recognize you? Would you recognize us?
I entered the infant room first and there were so many tiny, tiny babies. Then we walked down to the second floor and a bunch of toddlers were out in the common area. Many of them were just sitting, and several were gathered around the nannies begging to be picked up. But one boy, one little boy was running towards the windows and I knew without seeing your face that it was you. They ushered you back several times, but you kept getting up and running to that window, standing on your tippy toes to peer out at the world around you. I tried to let your Abat know I had seen you, but I could find words. Before I could say anything they ushered you back into the rooms. As I stood there waiting for this moment the door would open and there was a little boy with a smile spread across his face playing peek-a-boo each time the door opened and closed.
Finally, it was our time to meet you and hold you for the first time. The Holt worker running the camera crowded us into the room with the head nurse and you became so scared and shy. You started crying and my heart broke for you. I didn't expect you to come running to us thanking us for adopting you or something. But it was a lot harder to see you crying. I wanted so badly to comfort you and make you feel better, but I knew that I was the stranger and we had yet to establish a trusting relationship.
Thankfully we had some balloons so we took them out to ease the mood. You loved the orange and yellow ones and became very territorial of them. I sat frozen and unsure of what to do, how to interact with you - but your Abat, he was right at your side putting your shoes back on, picking you up when you fell, giving you back the balloon as it floated out of your hands. Before long you were laughing and playing with him, grinning from ear to ear. This felt so wonderful to be observing. I knew that I was very fortunate to have your Abat to enter this journey of parenting with.
Meeting M... for the first time.
Watching M. enjoy injera for lunch.
After finishing our orientation and lunch we came back to visit the children once more. You had been taken to the hospital for an x-ray so we weren't able to play with you right away. Once you had finished bathing they brought you out to us. The nanny handed you to me and instantly you started crying. You were still so unsure and scared. I tried to calm you but had little success so your Abat picked you up from my arms and you immediately stopped crying. That was a little bit of a difficult moment for me to swallow as a mother. I know time will make things better and you will learn to trust me. Life is changing little one, but we will be right there with you."
Dear M..
It has been a long ride to get to this point, but here it is. In Ethiopia, Africa! The only thing I can think of doing right now is praying. I want to pray for you. I want to pray that you grow strong. You are a small little boy right now and I pray that you grow strong in stature and in mind. I pray that you grow into a confident man who loves the Lord and can make an impact on the world for the better. M...I love you. I love you and I pray to God who is merciful - who gave you to us - that you grow strong.
Love,
Abat
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