One Year Ago Today - Part 11

"Dearest M....

It is hard to remember much of this day because some much of it was spent on airplanes, in airports, and in complete exhaustion. You did fairly well on the flight from Ethiopia - sleeping most of the way in between your Abat and I.

However, once we landed in Washington D.C. you started to have a harder time. I think that you are getting sick - or maybe you are just grieving - or maybe you are wondering what the heck these two crazy white people are doing with you. The Ethiopian culture deals with children so differently from the American culture. I found myself longing to get back to the Ethiopian culture as soon as we stepped onto the plane for Denver. If only people knew that you have been through so much - have been traveling for the last 20 hours - have had your life completely turned upside down.

Hang in there baby..."

*Our lovely friend Melissa has a wonderful way with words - she blessed us with several of her writings these past few days - and I would like to share them with you here...

Eyes wide

yet fading fast.

One long journey

ending

Another just beginning

A father. A mother.

A son.

Arriving.

A family unfolding.

The walls of 519

wait in anticipation.

The year will bring

learning. growing.

crying. laughing.

pooping.

On the floor

In the tub

Even...in the diaper.

Hearing the language

of Mother Ethiopia

"Nai" -- Come

'I want to show you

my world

"Nai" -- Come

'You are mine

I am yours'

"Nai" -- Come

' I love you

and accept you.'

Check out more of her writing here at: Melissa's post

One Year Ago Today - Part 10

"Dearest M....

Well this is it. Today is our final day in Ethiopia before returning to the states. I feel as if this time has gone by so quickly. It saddens me some to know that it will be a while before we return here.

We didn't do too much today - except for all of the packing. We ate a wonderful breakfast again - you really like the oatmeal and juice. Hopefully I can figure out how to make the juice for you. The oatmeal, your Abat should have down. He is an oatmeal fanatic.

We played a little bit outside - the gate guards are so friendly with all of the children. Honestly, everyone is so wonderful with the children It is such a beautiful thing.

While I was packing, Abat ran some errands. We got your passport and visa. Your pictures are so adorable. In one of them you look like a stocky football player ready to hurt someone.

In the afternoon prior to leaving the hotel, the staff had a coffee ceremony for all of the families. It was a very kind gesture and allowed each family some time to just relax, visit and enjoy our remaining moments in Ethiopia.

As we were driving to the airport, I felt a lot of sadness for our departure, the uncertainty as to when we would return, how much of your culture will be missed because we don't live here. You however, you were happy. Happy to be watching the cars and people pass by. I will be sad to say goodbye to the people we have met along the way - the people that have navigated this week of life changing events with us. I am excited though to continue our journey with you.

I love you M...."

One Year Ago Today - Part 9

"Dear M....

Today brings yet another big day. This morning we went back to the care center for the farewell party. I didn't know what to think about this. It was so exciting that we were finally with you, but sad that you were leaving and you would most likely not see many - if any - of these people - your friends - again.

They dress the children in traditional attire - you looked so great in your little outfit. They even gave you a sash to wear with green, yellow and red on it. While we were upstairs changing, you were so excited to see the babies. You actually went and patted several on the head and then gave them kisses without any prompting. It was incredibly sweet. We sat near your friends and they were all talking to you so excitedly. You seemed so happy to see them, but so sad as well.

There was a traditional coffee ceremony. During this time Dr. Fikru spoke to the families about the importance of adoption. He shared how they work so hard to make sure that all kids are adopted need homes as a last resort. It is their goal to preserve the family as much as possible. You also peed on me again during this time. You must really enjoy doing that.

This afternoon they took the group out shopping and I stayed behind with you at the hotel. This was my first time alone with you and I was pretty nervous. But after your nap you and I had a good time together. We read books, played A - LOT of peek-a-boo, and watched all of the cars going by on the street. There were many times when I would just look at you and marvel at finally being with you.

Tomorrow we will prepare to return to the states. It will be hard to leave this beautiful country - already we wish we had more time here. Today at one point while playing peek-a-boo, you just stopped and looked out the window for a long time. You watched the cars, buses, people and animals passing by. We couldn't help but wonder what was running through your head -what were you thinking and feeling? We hope that one day you can come back to this beautiful country - your first home - and fall in love with it all over again."

One Year Ago Today - Part 8

"Dearest M....

Throughout the process of our adoption, I have read lots of things about children having difficulty when waking up. Some stories shared about children waking up and just screaming out of fear and grief. So this morning as I laid in bed watching you, with the sun slipping through the windows and filling the room, I held my breath as I awaited to see how you would wake. When you finally opened your eyes, you looked right at me and smiled a smile so big. After laying there a little while longer you scooted over to me and gave me a kiss. It might my heart swell and brought tears to my eyes.

We spent the morning playing - you are such an observer. You love to look out the window and watch all of the cars and people passing by. Just like the first time I saw you... You also love to hide behind the window sheer and play peek - a - boo. You get so excited to come running out to Abat or I. Usually you are laughing so hard that it makes us laugh too.

We tried to put you down for a nap since we have the Embassy appointment today. You cuddled right up to me and wouldn't let me put you down. Once you finally fell asleep I laid you on the bed and you tucked your arms up underneath your chest and popped yourself up on your knees. So cute!

We waited over two hours for a 10 minute meeting that will allow for you to come home with us. I would have waited twelve hours if needed. I am so happy to bring you home.

Everyday I feel like you grow more and more comfortable with us and your smile comes more easily. I have enjoyed these moments of getting to know you better. I love you little M."

One Year Ago Today - Part 7

"Dear M...

Last night several people were awaken by the hyenas running through Durame, which is apparently a common reoccurrence. What a different experience of life.... I wonder what noises will awake you when you travel home with us.

I am so anxious to get back to you. I miss you and can't wait to hug you, to kiss you, and to try and convey to you the new depths of love we feel for you after experiencing more of your history and visiting with your birth father.

We returned to Addis exhausted but enjoyed a walk with some of the dear friends we have met here. It is nice to share this journey with each of the families. We returned to the care center and they were giving you a bath - you seemed a little fussy. I started to wonder if you knew that something was going on - if you felt the overwhelming amount of emotions we were feeling. So we tried to play with you - to help you feel safe and calm.

After visiting with the pediatrician we prepared to take you to the hotel with us - to have you stay with us for the first time. This was another experience filled with so many mixed emotions. I was so ecstatic to have you with us, but felt guilty removing you from what you had known, from your nannies, your friends, from the surroundings that have brought you safety and comfort.

Shortly after arriving back at the hotel we sat down for dinner. Abat was holding you in his lap feeding you potato soup when all of a sudden you leaked through your diaper. We had a good laugh about it, joking that you were christening him into parenthood. I have a feeling that you will bring us many moments of joy.

We took you up to our room and Abat began reading you Goodnight Moon. You loved the pages with the kittens and even tried saying "goodnight moon" by yourself. You finally fell asleep on Abat's chest and we couldn't bring ourselves to turn the light off - we just couldn't stop looking at you. Finally - you were with us - we could now hug you and love on you and look at you whenever we wanted! This is the day we have dreamed of for a long time."

One Year Ago Today - Part 6

"Dear M...

This morning began with us waking early to the mosque shooting off a canon -

or something of the sort - to declare that church was beginning. Even this early in

the morning you can see the streets crowded with men and women dressed in

traditional attire.

Today is a hard day for a few reasons. First it is hard because we will not get to see you today. We enjoy so much seeing your smiling face and hearing you laugh...even more so, holding you in our arms. But today is also hard because we will meet your birth father to talk with him about you. We will travel to Durame, the city near the area where your family is. Durame is about a six hour drive from here. We am sure we will have a lot to tell you about this journey.....

As we traveled south, we began to see the beautiful country of Ethiopia. There are rolling hills covered in lush grasses. There are mountains that are so high they bring us memories of Wyoming. This country is stunning, and even though our eyes were heavy with sleep we kept watching so we wouldn't miss a single part of this trip. Finally, there are people - so many people - walking everywhere - gathering in fields to celebrate the end of Ramadan.

We had a beautiful, emotionally and life changing meeting with your birth father. We will forever treasure this moment with him and will hold dear to our hearts the many things he shared with us. You are so loved M. so loved, and we are so humbled that we get to be a part of this beautiful love felt for you.

After the meeting we traveled to the first care center where you stayed. We kept thinking of you and how you must have felt first coming here. We also felt extreme gratitude because this is the place where you began to grow stronger and healthier. But there are so many children. Oh the children.....

There is a little boy named Simeon and he was only 10 months old. He was just the size of a newborn infant, but he had a smile so big. As he grasped your mommy's hand we poured our prayers over him for strength and a family that can be blessed by that beautiful smile.

While touring the care center, we visited with a gentleman who knew you well. He said that he remembered you - and liking you because you were so handsome and dynamic. He also thought that you were so smart because you were so strong in spirit and so active. Sister Abebech Abura also shared with us her memories of you. She said that you arrived so ill and fragile, so so fragile. But it didn't take you long to start growing stronger. With your strength came your activity and she felt that you slowly grew happy again.

Also of this makes us long to get back to you....."

One Year Ago Today - Part 5

"Dear M...

This morning we went to the Ethiopian National Museum and spent some time driving around the city. It was all very interesting to see and important, but all I could think of was seeing you again.

We finally got to the care center after lunch and we were able to play and spend time with you. It made me so happy to be with you again. We played with you for three hours and it was great. You were so happy, smiling and giggling so much.

There was a point where you ran to my arms from across the room. It made me so happy to have you run to me like that. It made me feel like you were getting more comfortable with me. I pray to God who is merciful that you grow to be a happy boy. I want you to always be happy and confident in yourself."

Love,

Abat

"Dearest Mihretu,

It was very hard to leave you last night. As we spend more time with you, you become more and more comfortable with us and we with you. I just love being with you. It is so fun to watch you play. You love to try and throw things up in the air and you especially love to kick balls around the play room. Everyone keeps telling us how beautiful you are and how much they love your eyes and smile. You are a beautiful boy!

After visiting this museum this morning we spent time driving around the city. There is so much traffic and even more people out walking - walking everywhere they need to go. I love to walk, but I wonder if I would love it as much if it was my only means of transportation. While driving through the city my lungs would start to burn from all of the pollution, caused not only by cars, but by fires burning trash and keeping people warm.

It was hard to see such poverty, especially when it would be children on the streets begging. There were so many and I am just grateful you didn't have to be put in that position. However, it breaks my hear and I pray over and over for God's mercy on each child. Even more so, I long for the day when poverty is banished from these lands.

Later this afternoon we returned to the care center to play some more with you. We spent a good part of the afternoon playing with bubbles, which you and your friends absolutely loved. You would roll a ball back and forth with us, run around and kick the ball (which is impressive considering you just started walking a month ago), put a teddy on top of your head and act like you didn't know where it was.

You are a silly boy and you love to make other people laugh, which is not a difficult task for you to complete. You are making your Abat and I smile all the time. Oh, how we love you so much!"

One Year Ago Today - Part 4

One year ago today we met our son. It is so hard to believe how much he has grown and changed over this past year.

There were so many emotions felt and hardly any were contained. This has remained true not only on that first day of meeting him, but throughout our year of parenting.

I don't remember a lot of the specifics of that day and what we did that morning before walking through those doors to hear the squeals, giggles, and cries of children, but I do remember that van ride feeling like an eternity. I knew that soon my life would be changed by this little man and I couldn't wait to finally hold him. The van was full of fellow adoptive parents and our emotions ranged from tears, giddiness and waves of nauseousness. We all longed to hold our babies.

Micah and I loved those first moments with our son and seeing one another as parents. These are moments that will forever be cherished. There were many tears shed that day - tears of joy, tears of reality, tears of sadness - and those tears became the prayers of our hearts as words were difficult to find.

"Dearest M...

Today is the day that we will meet you for the first time! Soon we will be able to hold you, love on you and try to convey to you how much our hearts have swelled for you over the last three months.

I awoke this morning around 3:30 to the beginning sounds of traffic, the call to worship, dogs barking and roosters crowing. I tried to go back to sleep, but of course had a hard time because there was so much anticipation surrounding our day. Your Abat awoke around 6:30 and we prepared for breakfast. We were looking out the windows taking in the streets below when we noticed the care center next door had children on the balcony. Our hearts leaped at the hope of sneaking a glimpse of you, but they were just sunning the babies. Once downstairs we meet several other couples that are all preparing to meet their little one today too.

Before meeting you we traveled to the main office to meet with Dr. Fikru, the social workers, and various other staff members that work for Holt. We are so impressed with this organization and all they are doing to help the children and families of Ethiopia. It brings comfort knowing you are well cared for.

After receiving a tour of the head office, we loaded up in the van to return to the care center to finally meet our children. To finally meet you. My heart more than ever was anxious - but ready. It was hard to contain my emotions. This was the moment I had been dreaming about for many, many months.

They lead us into the care center to give us a tour and my heart was pounding as we took each step - questioning if you would be around the next corner or on the other side of the next door. Would I recognize you? Would you recognize us?

I entered the infant room first and there were so many tiny, tiny babies. Then we walked down to the second floor and a bunch of toddlers were out in the common area. Many of them were just sitting, and several were gathered around the nannies begging to be picked up. But one boy, one little boy was running towards the windows and I knew without seeing your face that it was you. They ushered you back several times, but you kept getting up and running to that window, standing on your tippy toes to peer out at the world around you. I tried to let your Abat know I had seen you, but I could find words. Before I could say anything they ushered you back into the rooms. As I stood there waiting for this moment the door would open and there was a little boy with a smile spread across his face playing peek-a-boo each time the door opened and closed.

Finally, it was our time to meet you and hold you for the first time. The Holt worker running the camera crowded us into the room with the head nurse and you became so scared and shy. You started crying and my heart broke for you. I didn't expect you to come running to us thanking us for adopting you or something. But it was a lot harder to see you crying. I wanted so badly to comfort you and make you feel better, but I knew that I was the stranger and we had yet to establish a trusting relationship.

Thankfully we had some balloons so we took them out to ease the mood. You loved the orange and yellow ones and became very territorial of them. I sat frozen and unsure of what to do, how to interact with you - but your Abat, he was right at your side putting your shoes back on, picking you up when you fell, giving you back the balloon as it floated out of your hands. Before long you were laughing and playing with him, grinning from ear to ear. This felt so wonderful to be observing. I knew that I was very fortunate to have your Abat to enter this journey of parenting with.

Meeting M... for the first time.

Watching M. enjoy injera for lunch.

After finishing our orientation and lunch we came back to visit the children once more. You had been taken to the hospital for an x-ray so we weren't able to play with you right away. Once you had finished bathing they brought you out to us. The nanny handed you to me and instantly you started crying. You were still so unsure and scared. I tried to calm you but had little success so your Abat picked you up from my arms and you immediately stopped crying. That was a little bit of a difficult moment for me to swallow as a mother. I know time will make things better and you will learn to trust me. Life is changing little one, but we will be right there with you."

Dear M..

It has been a long ride to get to this point, but here it is. In Ethiopia, Africa! The only thing I can think of doing right now is praying. I want to pray for you. I want to pray that you grow strong. You are a small little boy right now and I pray that you grow strong in stature and in mind. I pray that you grow into a confident man who loves the Lord and can make an impact on the world for the better. M...I love you. I love you and I pray to God who is merciful - who gave you to us - that you grow strong.

Love,

Abat

One Year Ago Today - Part 3

"Dearest M....

I am not sure when it became the 17th, but we are currently in transit to Ethiopia! The plane is packed with many families and children - each child makes me think of you. As we near Ethiopia we grow more and more excited and anxious. The butterflies are growing stronger by the moment and I wish I could find more appropriate words to describe the feelings I am experiencing. It is so surreal......

We have arrived in Ethiopia! Late, but we arrived. We navigated our way through obtaining a visa, exchanging money and claiming our luggage. There was a sea of people that we had to push through to find the driver from Holt. You could tell that he was tired and it had been a long day for him....I felt bad to have kept him waiting for so long. Because it was dark it was hard to see too much on the way to the hotel so we will wait until tomorrow to discover this city. As we pulled up to the hotel and they were honking to be let in the gate I looked to my right only to discover that the care center is right next door to the hotel! I can't believe we are so close to you. It will be hard to wait, but tonight we will sleep closer to you than we ever have before. You are so close to us, so close, and we can't wait to hold you! Sweet dreams baby boy."

One Year Ago Today - Part 2

"Dearest M.....

The day we have been anxiously awaiting has arrived. As I write I am sitting in the Washington D.C. airport. We have tried to occupy our minds with several walks around the airport, finding a meal, and calling our families one last time before leaving the country to say goodbye. They are all excited to meet you and love on you in person. I just can't believe the time is here. I have been sitting here staring at the gate and plane for a long time dreaming about the coming days. Oh, I can't wait to hold you!

Our departure day began with our wonderful friend Chelsea making us a breakfast of scrambled eggs, sweet potato fries and Ethiopian coffee. We talked of all that will change and remain once you become a physical part of our lives. Chelsea also prayed sweet prayers over us before leaving us at the Denver airport. We have been so blessed with so many wonderful friends and family members. It brings us encouragement and peace knowing that we are blanketed in prayer and covered by the blessing and protection of God.

We checked our luggage - 4 suitcases and 3 carry-ons - and before going through security we stopped to write a quick letter to your Uncle Ben. I wish that there was some way to communication all that we are experiencing with him on a more regular basis, but until circumstances change, letter writing will have to do. I long for the day when you can spend time with him and he can love on you the ways an uncle should - teaching you all the things that an uncle should teach.

Once we boarded the plane in Denver we took the time to open a gift given to us. Micah and I both had letters written for us individually and sealed in an envelope from some wonderful friends. This lovely couple has been praying for you and our family and took the time to write us a letter encouraging us in our new roles as mother and father. The letters were beautiful and provided truth for us to dwell on. I know without a doubt that I will be coming back to this letter in the days, months and years ahead.

Your Abat and I are so very excited M..... I wish that I had more eloquent words to use to describe all that we are feeling. It is so hard not to tell everyone that the reason we are traveling is to go and meet our beautiful son for the first time. This excitement is overwhelming and we feel as if we were two little kids awaiting Christmas morning. We love you so and soon, so very soon we will be there!"

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today we were rushing to finish things up to work and make it to the Mortgage Source to close on the purchase of our first home.

Purchasing your first home is a BIG deal, a very BIG deal.

But with where we were heading the next day, we could have cared less.

Our appointment began at four and seemed to drag on forever. All the while we signed paper after paper, looking at each other with excitement and a lot of restlessness to finish things up so we could get home and finish packing.

The ladies at the Mortgage Source mistook our excitement and restlessness for the purchasing of our new home. Little did they know.....

With the purchase of our first home finalized, we headed home and began the frenzy of packing.

We couldn't eat, finish a sentence, or sit in silence before we erupted with emotion.

Thankfully we have beautiful friends who took us with all of our emotion, wrapped their arms around us, and helped us to sense some peace and calmness for the journey we were about to embark on.

Our brand new basement tenants -Mike and Melissa - (who had been living there for two years, but were just inherited with the purchase of our home) made us a beautiful journal with the map of Ethiopia and Africa. Inside they wrote,

"Made to document your journey to Ethiopia and parenthood, and any other changes that may present themselves. We look forward to your return."

So after all the bags were packed we got in the car and drove to Fort Collins to stay with our good friend Chelsea. Even after a glass of wine and great conversation with an old friend, my mind remained restless and anxious in anticipation for what the days would bring.

So I took up the journal recently gifted to us and wrote. I wrote a letter to my son, pouring out the endless thoughts and emotions I was experiencing. Below are some of those thoughts.

"Dearest M...

Today we woke up to attend our last day of work before departing for Ethiopia to meet you, our son, for the first time. I have been waking up with butterflies in my stomach for the excitement and anticipation I feel to see you for the first time. To hold you for the first time. To love on you for the first time.

I wonder if you will recognize us. If you will know how excited we are to have you as our son. If you will know that we love you so much. I hope that you know. I hope that you ALWAYS know.

We left school to sign the closing papers on the house. It was very important for your Abat to provide a home for you. He worked very hard to finalize things so that the house we brought you home to would really be ours, not someone else's home. All through the signing our thoughts were on coming to you.

As soon as we finished closing we returned home to finalize packing. A few people stopped by to pray with us and send us off with a blessing. We also ran to purchase a gift for your birth father and a few more things for the orphanage.

We were so tired from today's events that we practically fell into bed, but soon the sun will rise again and bring us the day that we leave for you. Soon baby soon we will wrap our arms around you and we can't wait!"