Aching Heart

Tonight I was up late working on my final research paper for a class while also trying to move through how awful I felt from being sick with a cup of tea.

I took a quick break from writing my paper and went to check our agency website. Periodically I look at the waiting child list out of curiosity and to put some faces to my prayers.

My heart sank as I stared at the photo of a little boy we had met while in Ethiopia. This particular little boy was in the same room as the little man and within the first minutes of playing with the children had gained a very special place in my heart. And now here he is waiting for a family to give him the loving home that he and his birth parents long for him to have.

My heart aches for him.

This little guy has a beautiful smile and a laugh that shakes his whole belly while filling the room with joy. I smile now just thinking of him laughing.....

I specifically remember asking Micah while in Ethiopia if all of the children in the care center are waiting to travel home - he said yes - and maybe he was right....

This little boy's profile description matches so much of our little man's story.

That is part of what brings an overwhelming sense of sadness up for me.

I think about those first twenty minutes after our referral phone call and questioning whether or not I could raise a toddler. Whether or not it would be what I had been waiting all this time for. Could I handle the challenges? Was this the right child for our family?

I wish I could say that I knew without a doubt, but I didn't - we didn't. We had to pray about it - and calm ourselves down emotionally. But I can tell you now that it was the right child for our family - WITHOUT A DOUBT. As a matter of a fact it is hard to ever imagine why we were questioning.

But as I checked the website tonight - looking at this little boy's photo - my thoughts immediately questioned if this is what would have happened to our little man if we said no. I want so badly to be there to love on the kiddos and hear his laugh again. I want him to know that he will be provided a family - and that there is nothing he has done wrong or has wrong with him that has caused this wait.

It also reminded me that our family can not be done with the fight for orphans around the world. There is still so much more that needs to be done and so many more that need to be made aware.

So tonight, with tears in my eyes and a heart full of sadness I begin to pray for this friend of little M. placing him in the hands of the Father.....