Ugh.

We've had some interesting conversations these past few days with the little man about his race.

Comments have been made at school and long story short, it is impacting his heart and how he views himself.

My heart breaks for him and my eyes well up with tears even as I write this. I want nothing more than for my sweet boy to feel like he belongs and is beautiful. I want him to be confident in who God created him to be and never think that he falls short or is the wrong color.

So this is what is keeping me up at night. This is what I am now currently trying to teach myself all about.

"Individuals of any race or culture do not outgrow the longing to be connected - to have a sense of belonging, to be with others who are "just like me," and to know they are a part of a broader community." (Excerpt from Dim Sum, Bagels, and Grits)

You just forget how privileged you are to be white until something like this smacks you in the face.

An Update!

Just received an e-mail that our dossier has been received in Ethiopia.

We are one step closer to meeting our newest family member!!!!!

Now we just have to keep waiting for a referral. But don't worry it has only been one month and 7 days - we still have a ways to go.

Comments

Going through the process of adoption can be a journey that allows you to have some interesting interactions with a lot of people. I don't know if this happens with other parents, but we get some very personal questions asked of us by complete strangers. We also hear a lot of people's opinions about what we are doing.

We currently have some friends of ours navigating through a very difficult decision and as I have spent time listening to their struggles and trying to encourage them, I am dumbfounded by the liberty some people feel they can take in telling them what should or shouldn't be done.

I found a blog post here that gives a glimpse into some of the things people feel they need to say to families. Definitely hard to believe - but it makes me so thankful for the times when people are sensitive and caring.

Here are some things that people have said to us:

Us - "We're adopting from Ethiopia!"

Person - "Are you going to get a child that is white or will they not let you have that choice?"

Another Person - "Is it going to be white?"

Person - "Are you babysitting?"

Me - "No, this is my son."

Person - "Oh, is your husband an athlete at the University?"

Person after finding out M. is adopted - "Well thank goodness you were able to get him out of that horrible situation and place."

Person - "So did you adopt because you can't have any real kids?" (As if M. is just a toy or pretend child?!)

After introducing M.

Person -"So with a weird name like that, where did he come from?"

Please Watch.

If you are not aware of the famine currently taking place in the Horn of Africa - please educate yourself and take action. This is not something that we should sit by and watch happen. If you are unsure of what to do, ask...... so much can be done and needs to be done.

Searching

I have found myself looking at photos of Ethiopia and searching for people who have any resemblance to our little man.

I have found myself looking at photos of Ethiopia and searching for our children.

I have found myself looking and searching a lot lately....

Done!

We sent off our dossier today!!!

It has been an incredibly long journey - much longer than I thought it would be the second time around. This has made this process a much more frustrating one than the first. Ugh.

So now all we can do is wait and hope that the days and months pass quickly until we lay eyes on our child for the first time and then get to wrap our arms around them.

Trying Not to Panic

I am trying not to panic.

I am trying to remind myself that this process,

this journey of adoption is

and always will be

out of my control.

It's a journey of trusting

Of relying on things happening

EXACTLY

when they are meant to happen.

NOT when I want them to happen.

But, even knowing this

I am trying not to panic.

I am trying not to start speculating all that could be

all that might happen

all that will hurt

take more time

and

keep us from our little one.

I am trying not to second guess our decision

the prayers of our son

the prayers of our hearts.

I am trying...